I have never - not that I can remember - used this blog as a place to voice heartache. we all have our share of ups and downs, and I try to stay positive and light on the blog, because in general, I am a happy and positive person.
But life isn't always UP and LIGHT, now is it?
Inspired by the brave, heartwarming openness and honesty of my pal Nicole on her blog, I thought maybe we could have a heart to heart today.
This week has not been good. It's been downright shitty and hard and sad, and that is all there is to it.
If I could get a hug from each adnd every one of you, I really would love that this week.
Turns out the mother is not too keen on our impending nuptials. "it's a lot to take in." "it's not a lifestyle that she grew up with." and on and on.
She wants to be able to "accept" us (do straight couples need to ask for their parents' acceptance? and ask "is this OK with you?" I think not.), but doesn't know how.
And this is after we have been together nearly five years, friends. F-I-V-E.
And if we want her acceptance, I must accept the relationship that she has chosen for herself.
I was left with an ultimatum: Love and accept her partner or she can't accept mine.
In a way, I guess that makes sense. I am trying to make sense of it. I am.
But, to me, love isn't like that. A mother's love and acceptance should not be conditional.
And the condition on which this ultimatum is based is not possible for me. It's just not.
I've tried (for many, many, many, mannnnyyyyyyyy years) to get on board with her partner, to understand him, to try and see what she sees.
But in the end, I can't. I just can't do it. I don't want to get into it here, this is about me and not her partner, but this is a person who does not respect women, who uses racial slurs like he's talking about the weather. This is a person who has a fundamentally different view of the world. I lived with a very cruel, abusive man who was my mother's second husband, and frankly, I can't do it again.
I just can't.
As adults, we have the freedom to CHOOSE who we want in our lives. To surround ourselves with people who make us happy.
And this is not a choice I ever wanted to make. I have always tried to maintain a relationship with my mom, despite the circumstances, but that is not an option anymore.
This week, I feel like I lost a mother. And it's really sad. And that is where I am at.
Now the highlight of the week? Because there is always goodness and love...
C found this little gal in the road this week. She brought her home and we worked like madwomen to find her family.
Photos taken. Craig List posts made. Incessant searching on craig's list for missing dog posts with her happy face.
In the meantime, the pugs fell in love with her:
Well her family came to pick her up last night, and the little girl made us this card:
We were the "savers":
And, in the end, I am reminded that life is about love and kindness and connection. And these are the things I need to focus on.
Now who DOESN'T support us, but who lifts us up every day with love. Am I right?
Thanks for listening. Thanks for letting me have a shitty week and let you know about. it.